Where do I know you from?

Where do YOU know Audra from?

Living LA creates a certain problem that I doubt is found quite the same anywhere else. The celebrity overload, coupled with the early onset of senility soon blurs the lines between your real life and TV.

Around town, in the time I've lived here I've seen Kiefer Sutherland, the dad from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, the daughter from Gilmore Girls, Rachel Griffiths, Christina Ricci, Giovanni Ribisi, Jason Lee and Meg White, to name a few. Most of those people are recognisable enough that you know it's them when you see them and even if you can't fully identify them, you can be pretty sure they aren't your neighbour, since they are doing something expensive and you don't live in a particularly fancy neighbourhood.

But what about the guy from the deli meats commercial buying cat food at the store? Or the cell phone ad guy walking his dog? These are people we see on TV all the time, but they are nameless. Sometimes you'll go out and be introduced to a friend of a friend. A few months later, you might see them again. Where do you know them from? TV or real life? It's easy to get confused. When I saw Gran Torino recently, I recognised the ginger Catholic priest character as having appeared in a Verizon commercial a while before. Just a few weeks later after I saw the movie, I saw the same guy walking his dog past a coffee shop I was sitting at. The recurrence of these people on TV and in my life is very real. The frustration of not always knowing how I know people is intensified for me, given the fact that I am famous for having a great memory.

This jolly red-head has a career spanning cell phone commercials, Clint Eastwood movies and dog walking on Franklin near the Scientology Celebrity Center.

Just recently, as we pulled into our neighbourhood Trader Joe's, I saw a guy that looked familiar. As I have always marveled at matching people to TV shows, and even before living here saying "That guy in the background was also in the background in Ghostbusters." I quickly set to place him. I pointed him out to Gregg to see if he could help, only to be told he was in our friend's band and that was where I knew him from. Not that I needed him to be from a movie or TV, but I was certainly barking up the wrong tree.

After we left Trader Joe's on that same day, we drove up through Sunset Junction and I saw a familiar face crossing the street. I knew I had seen him before because he resembled our friend Todd, but he had bigger facial features and much lighter hair. I guess you could say he was a boorish version of Todd. As he crossed right in front of the car, I skulked down into my seat. I didn't want him to make eye contact because once again, I had no idea if I knew him from real life or TV. I asked Gregg if he knew who he was and he did not. As far as his resemblance to Todd, Gregg saw one as close as Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Twins. If it I did know this guy from real life and he smiled, waved, or even worse, stopped to talk, I was fucked. Luckily he didn't see us so that can of worms remained closed, though his image is burned into my brain and the mystery prevails.

Probably the earliest such example of this is still my favourite. After a show at Spaceland, Gregg was talking to a girl. I thought maybe she looked familiar, but her voice for sure had stuck with me (not in a bad way!) I must have met her before, but for the life of me, I couldn't recall where I knew her from. Gregg seemed to know her, so clearly I was a bitch. Soon, I was in the conversation, the girl very friendly and familiar, so my self loathing grew as she still didn't ring a bell. Gregg had been drinking and as I couldn't drive the stick-shift we came in, Gregg asked her for a ride home. She was happy to! God, I'm a bitch. I still had no idea who she was. We drove home, the car containing her, Gregg, me, our friend Mike and her friend Beth. As we arrived outside our building, I thanked her and moved to leave until she stopped me to say, "By the way, I'm Audra!" I wasn't supposed to know her after all! I introduced myself back and sighed a sigh of relief. Still, she WAS familiar. I didn't invent that. What the hell? "How do you know that Audra?" I asked, not satisfied until I got to the bottom of it. "I just met her tonight." Gregg answered. This mystery continued to haunt me.

A few days went by, and out of the blue, Gregg said "Oh, when I was talking to that Audra, she told me she was on that Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty show!" THAT WAS IT! Being long time 90210 fans, Gregg and I had both been excited about a new show in which someone in conflict with someone else would call in Shannen Doherty to confront the other person and present them with an ultimatum or just flat out dump them. Gregg was out of town when the show first aired so I recorded one of the two episodes that were on. My friend Sam and I watched it and both enjoyed making commentary on it and agreed it was awesome. As soon as Gregg announced that Audra had been on the show, the mystery was solved. That's why she was so familiar. I had never met her before. I knew her from TV. Once Gregg told me, I couldn't cue the show fast enough to get re-acquainted with Audra as she got Shannen Doherty to go in and tell her boyfriend Tasty that he needed to marry her, or else!

Tasty and Audra on 'Breaking up with Shannen Doherty'* (in two parts)

Shortly after, I was back in Australia and got to share this story with Sam and got to enjoy her explosion of mirth as I revealed the punchline that the mysterious Audra had been the subject of our viewing pleasure just a month or so before.

Tasty didn't look like this when he was on 'Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty'.

He looked more like this. You can see why it's hard to keep up with these people.

Once I figured it all out, and after some befriending on MySpace, I gleefully reported the story to both Audra and her now husband, Tasty. We have all remained friends and Tasty is a big fan of my blog. Hi guys! *waves*

So, I guess the moral of the story is, don't move to LA if your memory is starting to fail.


*Thanks to Lindsay for finding the episode on YouTube!

Life outside the bun - A tribute to Taco Bell

I would like to have included a comment from my sister-in-law Gwynne, who actually worked at the Bell in the 80s, however she is currently in South East Asia eating other dangerous foods from hawkers and is unavailable for comment.

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My love for both Australia and US always has me torn, but there is one department in which the US beats Australia hands down. I'm hesitant to proceed all gung-ho because the quality of fast food in American is considerably worse than in Australia in terms of cleanliness, presentation and customer service, but really, is a spic and span fast food joint worth the trouble when it pails in comparison to Taco Bell?

Let me be clear. I love fine food. I may not be the kind of foodie who can identify all the herbs and spices and hints of this and that, but I do like good, well crafted food and like to eat at nice restaurants as often as is financially possible. But I also like salt. I also like grease. Can the two palettes co-exist? I think so. It's like a whole other section of the tongue that requires satisfaction and it can quickly and cheaply be remedied thanks to the good(?) folks at Yum Brands who bring us Taco Bell.

I don't remember my first Taco Bell experience, but I know it was after my first Del Taco experience which is somewhat of a travesty, but that's the way it goes. Being from Australia where Mexican food is scarce and of poor quality when you do find it, my knowledge was poor and the hard shelled fast food tacos matched what I was used to from the Old El Paso home kits. My best guess is that Taco Bell hit, and hit hard in 1999. As I said, I don't recall the first time, but clearly my random, but obvious choice of something with beef resonated as I was soon sheepishly asking for and seeking out Taco Bells to bring me the unparallelled joy that only a beef taco could bring.

The first Taco Bell in Downey, California, started by Glen Bell

I moved to Sacramento beginning my serious Taco Bell journey in March of 1999, and became a vegetarian in May of the same year. Not much time of eating beef tacos, but it is a famous and revered time in the early stages of my relationship with Gregg. Though he had been a vegan for years, he found something endearing in my obsession with the beef taco and never hesitated to quench my needs, perhaps recalling his own love for it back in the 70s and 80s. At one time he took public transport all the way out to the East Bay from San Francisco after finding no Taco Bell in the city. He told me time and time again how far the Bell had sunk from those glory days, with the bean quality being severely compromised, but since I had never known his Taco Bell era, these were MY glory days.

When I first got into Taco Bell, this little guy was all the rage. I have a few stuffed talking dogs, and another key chain that travelled around on a bag on many international trips. He was so endearing, we were not ashamed. Then those morons at Yum Brands, got rid of him and replaced him with nothing. Read more about his life here.

Upon becoming vegetarian, I moved on to bean burritos which weren't quite as satisfying, lacking the careful seasoning added to the beef. We tried to duplicate them at home with a Taco Bell brand seasoning packet we got at the supermarket, and some faux ground beef made of soy, but alas, it just wasn't as good. Some magical ingredient or hazardous chemical was omitted to ensure we'd be back to the "restaurant".

Once I found the 7-layer burrito, I was thrilled. It was fat and loaded with goodness. No less than seven ingredients as the name suggests. Many complain about the quality of the guacamole, but I believe as long as you don't isolate it and judge it, it works well with its six brothers and sisters.
I munched on these for many years, though never with the same initial vigor I had for the beef taco. Then one day before acting class, I stopped at TB or 'Tuberculosis' as I like to call it, an ode to my understanding that I am playing with fire by eating at such a place, when I bumped into another girl from class. She was Indian and was raised vegetarian. We talked about what we liked to eat there and it was then that the Mexican Pizza without meat was revealed to me.

You light up my life.

Since this discovery, I think I get a 7-layer burrito just 1 in 10 visits with some taco supremes with beans replacing meat thrown in too. The Mexican Pizza, as idiotic as it may sound, is incredibly delicious. It's two tostadas (flat, fried, hard tortillas for you foreigners) with beans (usually ground beef also) in between. On top is some magical red supposed "pizza" sauce, a three cheese blend and diced tomatoes. There use to chopped green onions too, but after a salmonella scare involving said onions, they were removed and have never returned. It took me some time to overcome this tragedy, but I've finally grown accustomed to life without it.

On the Taco Bell website, this helpful nutrition calculator allows you to accurately incorporate your exact order into a strict calorie controlled diet. I lost 30 pounds/12 kilos in 7 months and enjoyed Taco Bell weekly along the way!

In the 7-layer burrito period, Taco Bell was merely an emergency meal. I'd rarely seek it out, but at the slightest twitch of the stomach on a road trip, Tuberculosis was the answer. Once the notion set in though, I became crazed. I had to have it and no other fast food will satisfy me. When, after so many heart breaking exits before it, the purple bell finally glows on the reflective highway sign, in my delirious joy, it resembles a halo. I have been saved.

Since the Mexican Pizza, Taco Bell is still technically an an emergency or convenient meal however emergencies and inconveniences seem to be omnipresent. I'm proud to say that I never get out of the house and drive with the sole purpose of obtaining it, however I do find myself jumping at a convenience opportunity to get it. If I get it for lunch while at work (I only work one full day a week, half day the rest), it affords me more time to nap in my car. If I get it before we hit the road when we leave right from work, it gets us on the road quicker. It sounds like a compromise, but honestly, I just love it so much that I relish these opportunities. In writing this, I am freeing myself. I love good food, but I also love Taco Bell. I am no longer ashamed.

These people aren't ashamed either. They got married at Taco Bell last week. Glad to see another Aussie has been indoctrinated into the ways of Taco Bell

Let me be clear that despite all this love, I DO understand where Taco Bell sits on the food chain. It's low, and I know it. Smart people can enjoy reality TV and The Da Vinci Code (actually, maybe I made that last one up) along with quality TV and books so I can enjoy Taco Bell along with finer cuisine (though not in the same sitting). Stephanie, a carnivore who claims the basic bean burrito as hands down her favourite fast food, has a strict policy against eating meat at Taco Bell. Her husband David also shares in the fervor of loving Taco Bell, ordering up to five menu items almost indiscriminately (he'll only order one item containing ground beef for safety reasons) when at his most ravenous, but we still all understand what Taco Bell really is. On a day following a fabulous meal at Hugo's Tacos, I advised Gregg I would be having Taco Bell for lunch while at work. "But you just had great Mexican Food yesterday! What's your problem?" "It's not Mexican food! It's Taco Bell!" I understand the difference.

Okay, so I think he loves Taco Bell more than I do.

Having said all this, I actually have the audacity to judge others for eating at Taco Bell. I feel sorry for the Mexicans who work there (though oddly, I was skeptical of how my food would be when ordering at a fully white staffed TB in Albany, NY) and baffled by the Mexicans eating there. Don't they know better? It's not Mexican food. It's Taco Bell. That should be their new slogan. I pretty much look at everyone eating there and think it's depressing, even though I am there, placing an order enabling me to judge them. On a recent visit, one in which I flushed red as the words "Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes*" spilled out of my mouth, I dared to mentally question the patronage of some office folk. If I were going out to lunch with a co-worker, I felt it wrong to go to Taco Bell with a decent Thai restaurant across the street. Obnoxious, I know, but if you've been a regular reader of my blog, you shouldn't be surprised. If I had to go out for lunch every day with someone, I'm sure I would end up at TB sooner rather than later. But this was far, far worse. As I sat down with my tray, I felt like I was intruding at my own Taco Bell. I was sliding into the middle of a year end sales meeting consisting of 7 or 8 people. In the middle of the "restaurant", a manager of some sort was holding forth about sales figures and this year versus last year. I'm sorry but it is just flat out sad and WRONG to have a business meeting at Taco Bell.

Snapshot I took of Taco Bell staff meeting, not consisting of Taco Bell staff.

Just after I witnessed this meeting, I spread the picture and story around and was prompted to write this blog. Gregg told me a sad story in which for a job he had years ago in which he was high up in the company, after doing some work with a large chemical distributor in Florida, some big wigs offered to take him out to lunch. They wanted to take him out to a fancy steakhouse, but alas being vegetarian, that wasn't going to work. Gregg didn't burden them with the news that he was vegetarian so the suggestions kept on coming "How about this seafood restaurant?" Nope. Vegetarians don't eat fish. Being the early 90s, vegetarian options weren't as prevalent as they are now and Thai and Indian restaurants were scarce in that part of the country. "How about Taco Bell?" was his grim suggestion. They seemed crestfallen, but took him where he asked to go. While the whole incident pained him, I'm sure that bean burrito was awesome.

Just couldn't wait for his Grilled Stuffed Burrito and Frutista Freeze, I guess. I totally understand.

Still hungry? Try our 89c Blog Menu for a hilarious and sincere conversation between Stephanie and I from earlier this week detailing our love of Taco Bell.

*The Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes were a gamble but if you get them without the cheese, being that the cheese is nothing like the fine cheese they use in the burritos and tacos, but garbage, liquefied nacho cheese sauce, they are actually quite delicious and also come with tasty sour cream!