Thursday, May 08, 2008

The Circle Game

Originally written on Feb 17, 2007, finished up today.

My sister's husband, Sam used to play this game with his brother and he re-introduced it to my sister and I when I was last visiting Australia. Whenever it is explained, it sounds really juvenile and people roll their eyes at it. But once it catches on, people can't get enough and seem to let go of their need to maintain maturity.

The game works like this: One person makes a circle by touching their thumb and fore finger, the rest of the fingers sort of fanned apart. The object of the game is to trick the other person into looking at the circle. If they do, you get to punch them. Apparently it was quite violent between Sam and his brother, but now a good natured gentle punch is all we deliver, more to bring shame upon the person who looked, for looking.

There are a few rules. The circle only counts if you are showing the back of your hand. The palm side does not count. You aren't allowed to stick the circle in a person's face, and you can't put it in a place they were already looking. But something as simple as placing it on your shoulder while they are talking to you is enough as they can't help but look. Other popular methods are to make the circle as you hand them something or put it on a door knob that is about to be grasped and so on. You can get very creative with it. Another rule is that you aren't allowed to say "Look at my knee!" and have it placed there. You could however say "I think I have a bee sting on my knee." which would likely prompt the person to look without being instructed to do so. A punch then ensues.

One of my favourite "gets" was the time Rebecca, Sam and I went to get a pizza. Sam and I waited in the car, which was parked right in front of the pizza shop, while Rebecca went in to grab the pizza. Sam and I were chatting and looking around, then at the same time, we both looked into the pizza shop to see her doing the circle at us. We were impressed and distressed by her ability to get us from such a distance. Another favourite was when Sam texted us a picture of him doing the circle, followed by another picture of his fist coming at the screen. Whether it counts is a bit suspect as it was in a "forced to look" scenario, but he gets 50 hilarity and ingenuity points, and for that, I accepted my punch. Oh! I can't forget the time they got by giving me a wrapped gift and when I unwrapped it, to find a package of rubber gloves, the gloved hand making the circle on the package.

A couple of great ones achieved via the internets. Any "gets" obtained not in person have their punches put in the "punch bank".

Maybe you're reading this and thinking it sounds dumb, but I promise you, anyone who doesn't have a stick firmly up their ass will eventually find endless enjoyment from this game once they let their guard down. Plus, it's fun to punch people.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

A fish is not a vegetable

As you may or may not know, I'm a vegetarian and have been for almost 9 years. While in my ideal world, no-one would eat meat, I do not judge you harshly if you do. I am, however, writing this clear up what it actually means to be a vegetarian as it seems a few bad eggs are tarnishing the definition. Too many people lately have been showing me that the meaning of the word has been blurred by offering me things which, by proper definition, I do not eat.

If you do not eat, beef, chicken, pork or fish, congratulations! You are a vegetarian!

Did you see what was in that sentence? FISH. Vegetarians eat a plant based diet and do not eat any dead animals. A fish is a dead animal and not a plant.

Too many people lately have been saying to me, following my stating that I am a vegetarian, "Oh, okay, but you eat fish, right?" When I say "No." it is followed with a puzzled expression, and possibly a little fear that I am some extremist nut after which comes the well intentioned offer of salad. These fish eaters who call themselves "vegetarians" have been ruining it for us.

If you are someone who eats fish, but no other meat, you are still NOT a vegetarian. Please stop saying that you are if you have been.

In no way, shape or form is she a vegetarian.

If you are a carnivore and someone tells you they are a vegetarian, please do not assume they eat fish. If it turns out they do, they've misrepresented themselves.

Someone saying they are a vegetarian when they eat fish is no different to someone claiming they aren't racist, but only hate Asians.

Jonathy: Gosh, I can't wait for November. This election is going to be historic!
Benjamund: Yeah! I think it will be really exciting! I hope Hillary whoops McCain's ass.
Jonathy: You don't like Obama?
Benjamund: Are you kidding me? A guy like that's going do some crazy shit like appoint someone to the FDA to put fried chicken and watermelon on the top of the food pyramid! Plus he'll probably clean out the White House after his term. He's probably already cased the joint.
Jonathy: Fuck, dude! I never knew you were so racist!
Benjamund: What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not racist! My best friend is Iranian and my wife is Vietnamese! It's just blacks I don't like. I can't believe you thought I was racist!

See that? Benjamund only hates ONE little race, but it's enough to make him racist. If you eat just that one little species of animal, such as fish, you're not a vegetarian, you're a pescetarian. Read about it, learn about it, embrace it. Count me out of it. I'm a vegetarian. Use your word and popularise it and leave my word out of it! I'm not judging you for your food choices, but your word choices. I know it might be easier to use that term, but it's inaccurate and making my life difficult.

I'm the kind of dork that writes letters to companies to complain about faulty merchandise and such, so here is my letter to (they DO have a section for people to write to point out incorrect definitions, so I'm not entirely crazy) regarding their definition of "pescetarian" which says they are a vegetarian who eats fish:

I'm writing regarding the definition you have for the word "pescetarian". The definition on the site states that a pescetarian is a vegetarian who eats fish. This is an oxymoron. By your site's own definition, a vegetarian is someone who does not eat any meat, including fish. Your definition of a pescetarian could be acceptable if you were also to accept the notion of a virgin who only has sex on weekends or an equal rights activist who is homophobic. A vegetarian who eats fish ceases to be a vegetarian. A better definition can be found on Wiktionary which states a pescetarian is someone who consumes no animal flesh, with the exception of fish. I hope you can see this inaccuracy and amend the definition of pescetarian accordingly.

Here's just a few of the many things we vegetarians eat that aren't salad!