Last year I post a blog entitled The Atheist Who Loved Christmas explaining that despite my strong disbelief in a creator, I am a big fan of the festive season. And no, it's not just an annual opportunity to score a Richard Dawkins book as a gift, I really love the whole she-bang, including, and maybe even especially, the carols about the birth of someone else's Lord and saviour.
Last week I merrily trum my tree and tweeted that I was doing so while wearing a Santa hat, drinking egg nog (actually, it was Silk Nog, which is incredibly delicious and doesn't make you feel like you are consuming an entire cow udder) and listening to Phil Spector's Christmas album from 1964. The next day, my Biblical scholar friend David sarcastically tweeted back something about God also delighting in eggnog, Santa hats and murder. His mention of murder a riotous reference to Spector's crime of the same name. While of course the nog and the Santa hat obviously have nothing to do with the origins of God or Christmas, the murder reference was most hilarious as of course I was quickly realised the vast numbers commissioned by, no not the creator of the Wall of Sound, but God himself! I do believe his book, I forget the name, states numerous occasions where he orders murders, even murders of every man woman and child in a city and this is the same chap who also made the law about thou shalt not kill! I must admit, I have not read this bit in around 20 years, but I really don't recall that line concluded with an asterisk and corresponding annotation at the base of the stone tablet. If it did, I must say it serves as a good justification for the US military to torture. Usually it's not okay to torture your neighbour for playing Black Eyed Peas 24/7, but if the writer of the law is pissed, it's okay. Perhaps that's really why Moses smashed the tablets with the commandments when he came down from Mt Sinai. He came down with these awesome laws, then came down and saw that the people sucked and were ungrateful assholes, and so maybe the whole "Thou shalt not kill" rule was a bit too black and white. Subsequently, he destroyed them and went back up the mountain to ask God for a holy asterisk for extenuating circumstances. Slippery slope, Lord! Slippery slope!
*Unless I tell you to. And don't abuse this by claiming you killed someone because I told you to when I didn't. - God
Moving on, I take issue with people who take issue with Christmas music. Fine if you just don't like it, but I'm annoyed by the people who find it an affront. In these irritatingly PC times, people aren't supposed to be flashing their love of various gods in the faces of those who may not share their enthusiasm for chosen god. As much as I love Silent Night and Away In A Manger, those are pretty full on with their whole "The most awesome baby ever, our saviour, was BORN! Yay!" themes. Though I like them, I can see why those might be annoying to someone of another faith. But are all the non-Jesus Christmas songs considered offensive too? Songs about Santa, a character mostly created by Coca-Cola, reindeer (not commonly found in the middle east) and jingling bells (not mentioned in any of the gospels as being jangled in the stable) should not cause any offense since as far as I know, there is no dispute that the above mentioned items have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus. If these songs are found to be offensive to some, I move that all advertisements for the new John Mayer album be removed. They have appeared on every website I've visited for the last two weeks and sickening me all the way to the toilet. Also all mentions of the film 2012 be removed from public and government spaces because the omnipresent appearance and discussion of that nonsense offends ME!
Birdsworth smacks his lips after I plied him with feline treats for this picture